It's just sad when you see your past come back up in your face. I've had several of these instances lately. But the one that's the most upsetting is when I see one of my friends feel and act just like I used to. It's just sad. It makes me so frustrated when I see these things going on and I'm like...AHHH, just stop it, save yourself some heartache!
I used to be really insecure about myself and my life. I was really hung up on this guy and I was pretty depressed about our relationship and what was going to happen. I was frustrated because I didnt know how to make things turn out the way I wanted it. I wanted to go to college and be succesful and be a good worker and be involved in church activities and spend more time with my family and friends, but it seemed like I couldn't do anything until this one relationship was right. It was all I could do sometimes to go to work or school, and a lot of times I didnt. I would lie to my friends and not answer their calls and avoid conversations and limit myself and my experiences. I know this sounds pretty dramatic, but what can I say, I'm passionate, and I really wanted to have "that someone" in my life. (Starting a family and getting married has always been the most important goal in my life.)
Anyway, back to my friend. I feel like I've switched positions with one of my other friends that was in my life at that time. She was older and she understood me and she knew what was going on. I totally thought I was pulling the rug over her eyes (and everyone elses,) but no. Now I feel the same way as that friend. I know what's going on. I see the big picture. I know when she's lying to me. I know the reasons she says what she says when she says it. I can feel her longing for comfort and acceptance. Been there, done that. It's a hard, awkward, painful time in life that makes you the person you will be when you're 30. It's horrible and in the long run, you will see all of the mistakes of your past and vow to never limit yourself like that again...hopefully. :)
The question now is, do I approach her, or do I just sit back and love her and let her find her own way? Catch-22.
1 comment:
i think letting people know that they are worth more than a relationship is important. i am sure someone told you this. i am sure it hurt. but you know so much more now. granted, will you fill a friend in on this tragic truth, they will be hurt as well. they may cry. but knowing that they are loved by you and so many more will be so reassuring in the long run.
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