I can feel God more than ever in my life. It's so baffling to me that He spends time with me, right near me, handling my life and all my burdens. He is more than I can even imagine and He chooses to be with me, all the time. He is more to me than I could ever be to Him, but yet He still keeps giving to me so many blessings. I just want to praise Him for that and thank Him ("publically.")
I wish I had more time to write. I'll get back to ya soon.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Bred for Mediocrity
I think my parents raised me to be an average person, average in everything. Seriously. Maybe a lot of parents are like this, but I just remember my trying to break out of the mold and then being shoved, hard, right back in. I don't resent them for this. They are loving, Christian parents, and they tried to give me more than they ever had. But I think differences bothered them. And I don't think they saw the line between creative expression and "conforming to the world" or even sinfulness. Seriously, did any of you feel this way growing up? Maybe I'm using my parents' flaws to excuse a personality flaw of my own.
Whatever the case may be, I still feel like I was in my shell for about 21 years, and I am finally branching out. It causes me to test some boundaries that when I look back on them I think, "wow, shouldn't I should know better?" I think my growth as a person is a little stunted sometimes. I'll write more later on this because my brain is slow right now. I'm tired from nannying :) (I love that I'm tired from nannying. And I love that I've created the word, "nannying.") (Side note, if the thing in quotations is not a direct quote, should the punctuation mark still be in the quotations???)
Whatever the case may be, I still feel like I was in my shell for about 21 years, and I am finally branching out. It causes me to test some boundaries that when I look back on them I think, "wow, shouldn't I should know better?" I think my growth as a person is a little stunted sometimes. I'll write more later on this because my brain is slow right now. I'm tired from nannying :) (I love that I'm tired from nannying. And I love that I've created the word, "nannying.") (Side note, if the thing in quotations is not a direct quote, should the punctuation mark still be in the quotations???)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
THREE HOURS!
So, I finally put up some info on my profile. I didn't for a long time because I had a myspace and facebook, and it just seemed redundant. So, if you want, you can read some of that. I didn't write about me because for some reason, it seems creepier to write it on here, even though all my blogs are...yes, about me. You don't have to be my friend to view this. Not that I get a lot of "stalkers" nowadays, but...you never know! ha. That blog counter DOES keep going up.
I'm ready to go home! I'm at my old job, just filling in for a 3-hour Saturday. I figured it was the last time I would be able to make a quick buck on a Saturday morning, so why not do it? I have to say though, this is painful. It's half-way through, and wow, I'm hungry and I want to GOOOO!
So, I've spent most of the morning trying to find the name of a book I used to read as a child and loved. I wanted to give it as a birthday gift to one of the children I nanny now. I couldn't remember the title or author. All I could remember is what it was about and the little characters in the book. I have to give props to the google. I found it. Richard Scarry, "Cars, Trucks, and Things that Go." I used to love the illustrations, and I remember the story wasn't too emotional, like that Corduroy book! (I loved Corduroy, but it made me sad.) I used to have "My Golden Book of Manners" book illustrated by Scarry. My mom bought it for me, and it taught me so much. Matt still wonders how I know that it's not good manners to slurp your soup in public.
Speaking of nannying things, I have learned SO much already, in just the first 3 days. Mostly I've learned that I have a lot to learn. ha. I love my job, love love love. It's so awesome to have the opportunity to be involved with raising a child. And the two that I keep are so sweet. I love it when they say "Cah-la" and when they get big smiles and laugh at me. And I can't wait til all these things happen more frequently! The transition from mommy, to babysitters, to me has been hard for them. I hope that soon, things will settle down and become more routine for them to see me. I want to do the best for them at everything. I want to inspire them, challenge them, educate them, comfort them, love them. THIS, and only this, makes me want to go back to school. I want to be the best at my job!
I just praise the Lord for giving me this life. I don't deserve all of His blessings. It's everything that I've wanted up to this point. And I have a while for the rest of it...(Matt, that means kids, don't worry.)
"God carries in His heart the fullfillment to all the desires that He has placed in yours." - George McDonald, paraphrased from Psalm 37:4
I'm ready to go home! I'm at my old job, just filling in for a 3-hour Saturday. I figured it was the last time I would be able to make a quick buck on a Saturday morning, so why not do it? I have to say though, this is painful. It's half-way through, and wow, I'm hungry and I want to GOOOO!
So, I've spent most of the morning trying to find the name of a book I used to read as a child and loved. I wanted to give it as a birthday gift to one of the children I nanny now. I couldn't remember the title or author. All I could remember is what it was about and the little characters in the book. I have to give props to the google. I found it. Richard Scarry, "Cars, Trucks, and Things that Go." I used to love the illustrations, and I remember the story wasn't too emotional, like that Corduroy book! (I loved Corduroy, but it made me sad.) I used to have "My Golden Book of Manners" book illustrated by Scarry. My mom bought it for me, and it taught me so much. Matt still wonders how I know that it's not good manners to slurp your soup in public.
Speaking of nannying things, I have learned SO much already, in just the first 3 days. Mostly I've learned that I have a lot to learn. ha. I love my job, love love love. It's so awesome to have the opportunity to be involved with raising a child. And the two that I keep are so sweet. I love it when they say "Cah-la" and when they get big smiles and laugh at me. And I can't wait til all these things happen more frequently! The transition from mommy, to babysitters, to me has been hard for them. I hope that soon, things will settle down and become more routine for them to see me. I want to do the best for them at everything. I want to inspire them, challenge them, educate them, comfort them, love them. THIS, and only this, makes me want to go back to school. I want to be the best at my job!
I just praise the Lord for giving me this life. I don't deserve all of His blessings. It's everything that I've wanted up to this point. And I have a while for the rest of it...(Matt, that means kids, don't worry.)
"God carries in His heart the fullfillment to all the desires that He has placed in yours." - George McDonald, paraphrased from Psalm 37:4
Monday, April 7, 2008
Blondie In the Flesh!
So I dyed my hair. It's crazy I know!! But I've never been blonde before so I wanted to do it while my hair was short. I can't believe it's my hair. That's why I chose that song as my title. (I'm sure if I didn't mention the Blondie reference, no one would notice it.) It has taken some time to actually get used to it...well really, I'm still not used to it. I mean, it's SO different.Anyway. So with my new look is a new me. I have noticed that I'm starting to be a little more honest with people. Maybe my dark hair was keeping me subtle and non-confrontational. But I've suddenly had this burst of bluntness. I want to be someone people know as an honest, trustworthy person. I want to be that person that if someone wants an honest answer, they come to me. With that said, I do want to develop some tact. I want to be able to give the answer/opinions/thoughts in a gentle, considerate manner. And if I start being honest with others, I have to be honest with myself and expect people to confront me with the truth too. That's a scary place sometimes. I mean, you don't always know what people think of you. You just kind of hope for the best.
So, feel free to leave some honest comments about my hair :) But maybe wait a couple of days after you see the picture, let it soak in. I had to. ha.
OH OH OH, also a new OFFICE on Thursday!!! I'm so excited. But I'll try to not over-expect...
AND, my new job starts in 2 days! Please keep praying for me and Matt.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
It Comes in Waves
Everything has happened all at once. ha.
There has been so much going on in my life in the past month. It has been crazy. I have learned a lot and I am still going through some things now that are hard to deal with. People have tried to bring doubt to my decisions, but I have faith they're the right ones. One of them was a job decision that I've been putting off for a while, hoping things would get better. And I've had to step out on faith that I was following God's will. I usually go with my gut, but I've had really no "feeling" and I just had to trust that God hears my prayers and is guiding me. I saw some things happen at work that I thought were ethically skewed, and no one was speaking up about it. I just couldn't let it rest. I feel like I can actually make a difference and I don't want to just let it lie because I don't want to "stir up anything", or because people might turn it around on me. Shouldn't I still stand up for what I believe in, even in the face of adversity, or even if people will try to twist my story and make me look bad? I want to make a stand for what is right, and I feel that stand means leaving. (They don't really notice or appreciate you until you turn in your notice, as I have seen this week.) And I don't want my leaving to go unnoticed or without meaning.
Also, I've been physically drained lately. I've had TMJ problems (which besides some popping in my jaw, has never really affected me until now,) and allergy/sinus/cold stuff that has just made me not want to talk to anyone after I get off work. (Poor Matt.) Needless to say, I'm ready for things to slow down again. Apparently, I'm not that great with change. (I totally cried when Matt moved in my apartment because he was "changing things too much", and also when we moved into our house because things were "too small, and different than my apartment." Silliness, I know, but I just was dealing with a lot, and that's how it came out! ha.)
I knew all of this was coming. Well, not all of this, but I knew that God was about to test me. I came back from that week that I wrote about in the last blog, and I was so thankful for where God had me in life. I realized I had been taking my life for granted and I wanted to be more positive and grateful. And as I was thinking about all of this, God brought it to my mind, "Would you be this happy if things weren't as good as they are now? If things got harder for you, would you still be thankful?" And right then, I knew. And also, I happened to read Job, which hello, is a book about adversity. :) Luckily, I have not had to face anything that drastic. And I will say that during all of the craziness, I'm sure I wasn't as thankful as I should be, but I did always know that God was right there beside me. I knew He was in control. That's a good feeling. Praise be to Him!
Anyway, if you read this, please keep me and Matt in your prayers. We need it! And also, know that I'm thankful for you.
There has been so much going on in my life in the past month. It has been crazy. I have learned a lot and I am still going through some things now that are hard to deal with. People have tried to bring doubt to my decisions, but I have faith they're the right ones. One of them was a job decision that I've been putting off for a while, hoping things would get better. And I've had to step out on faith that I was following God's will. I usually go with my gut, but I've had really no "feeling" and I just had to trust that God hears my prayers and is guiding me. I saw some things happen at work that I thought were ethically skewed, and no one was speaking up about it. I just couldn't let it rest. I feel like I can actually make a difference and I don't want to just let it lie because I don't want to "stir up anything", or because people might turn it around on me. Shouldn't I still stand up for what I believe in, even in the face of adversity, or even if people will try to twist my story and make me look bad? I want to make a stand for what is right, and I feel that stand means leaving. (They don't really notice or appreciate you until you turn in your notice, as I have seen this week.) And I don't want my leaving to go unnoticed or without meaning.
Also, I've been physically drained lately. I've had TMJ problems (which besides some popping in my jaw, has never really affected me until now,) and allergy/sinus/cold stuff that has just made me not want to talk to anyone after I get off work. (Poor Matt.) Needless to say, I'm ready for things to slow down again. Apparently, I'm not that great with change. (I totally cried when Matt moved in my apartment because he was "changing things too much", and also when we moved into our house because things were "too small, and different than my apartment." Silliness, I know, but I just was dealing with a lot, and that's how it came out! ha.)
I knew all of this was coming. Well, not all of this, but I knew that God was about to test me. I came back from that week that I wrote about in the last blog, and I was so thankful for where God had me in life. I realized I had been taking my life for granted and I wanted to be more positive and grateful. And as I was thinking about all of this, God brought it to my mind, "Would you be this happy if things weren't as good as they are now? If things got harder for you, would you still be thankful?" And right then, I knew. And also, I happened to read Job, which hello, is a book about adversity. :) Luckily, I have not had to face anything that drastic. And I will say that during all of the craziness, I'm sure I wasn't as thankful as I should be, but I did always know that God was right there beside me. I knew He was in control. That's a good feeling. Praise be to Him!
Anyway, if you read this, please keep me and Matt in your prayers. We need it! And also, know that I'm thankful for you.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Do Unto Others...(I know, right?? haha)
Luke 6:27-36 -Love your Enemies
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
These verses really just stopped me today. I've been dealing with how my attitude should be toward a person that just has blatent disregard for my feelings or anyone else's really. I had to spend a lot of time with this person this past week and it just slapped me in the face how I thought that this person was my friend, when really that has obviously NEVER been the case. I don't want to be a doormat. But I do want to be meek and loving. And to be honest, I have not reacted that way (at least in my mind and talking to others I haven't.) I realize there is a time for anger, and I feel like my anger was just. I mean, I wasn't the only one that was being affected, or afflicted, by this person. But now, that time has passed. I want to be different. I want to actually serve MY Lord. I want His opinion to be the most important and I want to please Him with my actions and reactions. I realize that even some of my close Christian friends/family would tell me to write the relationship off, that it's not worth my time and it's just going to bring me heartache and drama. (I hate that kind of drama, you know.) But I really think that I should just step it up. Not seek approval from this person for my own benefit, which is what I think the other people in their life are doing, but to actually invest in them because Jesus loves them and commands me to. Just like it says above, even sinners love their own friends, so what kinds of witness is that? I mean, that's not really challenging. Loving your enemies takes His grace and His love in our hearts. I realize as I write this that it is going to be really hard for me to step out of my comfort zone. I don't really want to ever talk to this person again. And I might have to say some things that will definitely not make me a popular person in their eyes, and I will probably get talked about behind my back, and be made to look like a hypocrite. Or I might just have to be there for this person and just shower them with love in the name of Christ.
Wow, this is difficult. I really need your prayers to do the right thing. I know myself. And I'll talk about this and then I'll just "do nothing." Just let it blow right past me and then no harm will come, but no good will either. Opinions on this would be appreciated. Thanks for listening (reading :)
27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
These verses really just stopped me today. I've been dealing with how my attitude should be toward a person that just has blatent disregard for my feelings or anyone else's really. I had to spend a lot of time with this person this past week and it just slapped me in the face how I thought that this person was my friend, when really that has obviously NEVER been the case. I don't want to be a doormat. But I do want to be meek and loving. And to be honest, I have not reacted that way (at least in my mind and talking to others I haven't.) I realize there is a time for anger, and I feel like my anger was just. I mean, I wasn't the only one that was being affected, or afflicted, by this person. But now, that time has passed. I want to be different. I want to actually serve MY Lord. I want His opinion to be the most important and I want to please Him with my actions and reactions. I realize that even some of my close Christian friends/family would tell me to write the relationship off, that it's not worth my time and it's just going to bring me heartache and drama. (I hate that kind of drama, you know.) But I really think that I should just step it up. Not seek approval from this person for my own benefit, which is what I think the other people in their life are doing, but to actually invest in them because Jesus loves them and commands me to. Just like it says above, even sinners love their own friends, so what kinds of witness is that? I mean, that's not really challenging. Loving your enemies takes His grace and His love in our hearts. I realize as I write this that it is going to be really hard for me to step out of my comfort zone. I don't really want to ever talk to this person again. And I might have to say some things that will definitely not make me a popular person in their eyes, and I will probably get talked about behind my back, and be made to look like a hypocrite. Or I might just have to be there for this person and just shower them with love in the name of Christ.
Wow, this is difficult. I really need your prayers to do the right thing. I know myself. And I'll talk about this and then I'll just "do nothing." Just let it blow right past me and then no harm will come, but no good will either. Opinions on this would be appreciated. Thanks for listening (reading :)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Personality Tests
If you're interested in this type of thing, I added my personality link on the side here, so you can find out more about me and also, you can go and take this test yourself. Please share with me what your results were, if you want. I LOVE this type of thing. (And Eleanor, if you're reading, I know we actually did this at the office, so I know you'll like it.)
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