Bred for Mediocrity

I think my parents raised me to be an average person, average in everything. Seriously. Maybe a lot of parents are like this, but I just remember my trying to break out of the mold and then being shoved, hard, right back in. I don't resent them for this. They are loving, Christian parents, and they tried to give me more than they ever had. But I think differences bothered them. And I don't think they saw the line between creative expression and "conforming to the world" or even sinfulness. Seriously, did any of you feel this way growing up? Maybe I'm using my parents' flaws to excuse a personality flaw of my own.

Whatever the case may be, I still feel like I was in my shell for about 21 years, and I am finally branching out. It causes me to test some boundaries that when I look back on them I think, "wow, shouldn't I should know better?" I think my growth as a person is a little stunted sometimes. I'll write more later on this because my brain is slow right now. I'm tired from nannying :) (I love that I'm tired from nannying. And I love that I've created the word, "nannying.") (Side note, if the thing in quotations is not a direct quote, should the punctuation mark still be in the quotations???)

THREE HOURS!

So, I finally put up some info on my profile. I didn't for a long time because I had a myspace and facebook, and it just seemed redundant. So, if you want, you can read some of that. I didn't write about me because for some reason, it seems creepier to write it on here, even though all my blogs are...yes, about me. You don't have to be my friend to view this. Not that I get a lot of "stalkers" nowadays, but...you never know! ha. That blog counter DOES keep going up.

I'm ready to go home! I'm at my old job, just filling in for a 3-hour Saturday. I figured it was the last time I would be able to make a quick buck on a Saturday morning, so why not do it? I have to say though, this is painful. It's half-way through, and wow, I'm hungry and I want to GOOOO!

So, I've spent most of the morning trying to find the name of a book I used to read as a child and loved. I wanted to give it as a birthday gift to one of the children I nanny now. I couldn't remember the title or author. All I could remember is what it was about and the little characters in the book. I have to give props to the google. I found it. Richard Scarry, "Cars, Trucks, and Things that Go." I used to love the illustrations, and I remember the story wasn't too emotional, like that Corduroy book! (I loved Corduroy, but it made me sad.) I used to have "My Golden Book of Manners" book illustrated by Scarry. My mom bought it for me, and it taught me so much. Matt still wonders how I know that it's not good manners to slurp your soup in public.

Speaking of nannying things, I have learned SO much already, in just the first 3 days. Mostly I've learned that I have a lot to learn. ha. I love my job, love love love. It's so awesome to have the opportunity to be involved with raising a child. And the two that I keep are so sweet. I love it when they say "Cah-la" and when they get big smiles and laugh at me. And I can't wait til all these things happen more frequently! The transition from mommy, to babysitters, to me has been hard for them. I hope that soon, things will settle down and become more routine for them to see me. I want to do the best for them at everything. I want to inspire them, challenge them, educate them, comfort them, love them. THIS, and only this, makes me want to go back to school. I want to be the best at my job!

I just praise the Lord for giving me this life. I don't deserve all of His blessings. It's everything that I've wanted up to this point. And I have a while for the rest of it...(Matt, that means kids, don't worry.)

"God carries in His heart the fullfillment to all the desires that He has placed in yours." - George McDonald, paraphrased from Psalm 37:4

Blondie In the Flesh!

So I dyed my hair. It's crazy I know!! But I've never been blonde before so I wanted to do it while my hair was short. I can't believe it's my hair. That's why I chose that song as my title. (I'm sure if I didn't mention the Blondie reference, no one would notice it.) It has taken some time to actually get used to it...well really, I'm still not used to it. I mean, it's SO different.

Anyway. So with my new look is a new me. I have noticed that I'm starting to be a little more honest with people. Maybe my dark hair was keeping me subtle and non-confrontational. But I've suddenly had this burst of bluntness. I want to be someone people know as an honest, trustworthy person. I want to be that person that if someone wants an honest answer, they come to me. With that said, I do want to develop some tact. I want to be able to give the answer/opinions/thoughts in a gentle, considerate manner. And if I start being honest with others, I have to be honest with myself and expect people to confront me with the truth too. That's a scary place sometimes. I mean, you don't always know what people think of you. You just kind of hope for the best.

So, feel free to leave some honest comments about my hair :) But maybe wait a couple of days after you see the picture, let it soak in. I had to. ha.

OH OH OH, also a new OFFICE on Thursday!!! I'm so excited. But I'll try to not over-expect...

AND, my new job starts in 2 days! Please keep praying for me and Matt.