It Comes in Waves

Everything has happened all at once. ha.

There has been so much going on in my life in the past month. It has been crazy. I have learned a lot and I am still going through some things now that are hard to deal with. People have tried to bring doubt to my decisions, but I have faith they're the right ones. One of them was a job decision that I've been putting off for a while, hoping things would get better. And I've had to step out on faith that I was following God's will. I usually go with my gut, but I've had really no "feeling" and I just had to trust that God hears my prayers and is guiding me. I saw some things happen at work that I thought were ethically skewed, and no one was speaking up about it. I just couldn't let it rest. I feel like I can actually make a difference and I don't want to just let it lie because I don't want to "stir up anything", or because people might turn it around on me. Shouldn't I still stand up for what I believe in, even in the face of adversity, or even if people will try to twist my story and make me look bad? I want to make a stand for what is right, and I feel that stand means leaving. (They don't really notice or appreciate you until you turn in your notice, as I have seen this week.) And I don't want my leaving to go unnoticed or without meaning.

Also, I've been physically drained lately. I've had TMJ problems (which besides some popping in my jaw, has never really affected me until now,) and allergy/sinus/cold stuff that has just made me not want to talk to anyone after I get off work. (Poor Matt.) Needless to say, I'm ready for things to slow down again. Apparently, I'm not that great with change. (I totally cried when Matt moved in my apartment because he was "changing things too much", and also when we moved into our house because things were "too small, and different than my apartment." Silliness, I know, but I just was dealing with a lot, and that's how it came out! ha.)

I knew all of this was coming. Well, not all of this, but I knew that God was about to test me. I came back from that week that I wrote about in the last blog, and I was so thankful for where God had me in life. I realized I had been taking my life for granted and I wanted to be more positive and grateful. And as I was thinking about all of this, God brought it to my mind, "Would you be this happy if things weren't as good as they are now? If things got harder for you, would you still be thankful?" And right then, I knew. And also, I happened to read Job, which hello, is a book about adversity. :) Luckily, I have not had to face anything that drastic. And I will say that during all of the craziness, I'm sure I wasn't as thankful as I should be, but I did always know that God was right there beside me. I knew He was in control. That's a good feeling. Praise be to Him!

Anyway, if you read this, please keep me and Matt in your prayers. We need it! And also, know that I'm thankful for you.