Everything is so confusing right now. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be, and how I'm supposed to act. I think God's trying to teach me humilty or something. Trying to teach me that it's not always right to be right. This is hard for me to deal with. I have always tried to defend others, strive for clarity, strive for others to understand each other and understand me. Apparently, this is impossible sometimes. And the fact that I know someone is wrong and doesn't care bothers me so much, but it seems like I'm just supposed to let it go and not try to do anything about it. I mean, I know that you can go to people (in love) and talk about sin that you see them living in. But some things are in that gray area. You try to get someone to see your point, but they're so far to their side, they can't grasp yours. Or it's so gray that neither point seems really right.
I know I'm probably going around in circles. It feels like my head is, right now. And maybe as I'm writing this, some of you are thinking, "well, duh." And maybe it's just an easy lesson I should've learned a long time ago. I need prayer. And if any of you would like to share anything about this with me, PLEASE, feel free. Although, I can't say that it won't make my head spin even more.
I don't want to force my opinions. I don't want to be an agressive, domineering, dramatic girl that nags people, attacks people, and argues all the time with others. And I don't want to be stuck in a personal rut, and not be reactive to God's moving. And I definitely don't want to make God have to tell me over and over until something much more severe has to happen to get my attention. I am thankful that God is showing me some discipline, because that means He hasn't given up on me in my "lukewarm-ness"! :)
I think God's trying to teach me love.
Hmmm...
~C
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